It’s been a while since I’ve posted… and it’s not because I have nothing to say.
I need to do a better job of thinking long and hard about the things I say and who they will affect. My last post hurt some people and to them, I want to say: I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me, I love you.
Hurting someone is never one’s intention, especially mine, but it happens. Maybe sometimes it’s necessary to help someone grow but I never want nor mean to hurt someone with my words. I know I have and it pains me.
I find some of my favorite quotes can always be brought back to scripture, for example:
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Words can cut deeper than any sword, leave a wound that hurts worse than any other pain, and cause more tears than any ocean.
Those who know me well, know my tongue is my sword. I have hurt those I love the most with it countless times. So if you are reading this and asking yourself “is she talking about me?” Then the answer is yes. And to you I say… I’m truly sorry, I was deeply wrong, please forgive me, I love you.
Last night, I attended a concert of a beautiful and talented artist, Joy Williams. I began listening to her back when she was part of “The Civil Wars” duo, who broke up in 2014, tragically, to most of their listeners.
She is one of my best friends most favorite artists so I grabbed tickets as soon as they came on sale. She sang a new song that has not been released yet called, The Front Porch. I best describe her music as hauntingly beautiful and this was no different. You can tell by the stories of her music how much she has changed since her break up with The Civil Wars and the birth of her two children. This song, like so many others of hers, resonated so deeply with me it brought me to tears.
The song begins with:
“There are no wrong roads
And no window stays closed…”
My dream home is one with a huge front porch with lots of rocking chairs. The door wide open for all to come. Sadly, today, I get home from work, make sure the door and blinds are shut and recluse to my couch or bed. But this is not my intentions… it’s just life right now.
She sings this song and tells us she hopes we can feel the welcoming… boy did I!
She continues with the verse:
“If never you find what you’re looking for
Come on back to the front porch
Say my name through the screen door
Come on back to the front porch
Whatever you’ve done it doesn’t matter
‘Cause darling we’re all a little splintered and battered
But the light is on, what you waiting for?
Come on back, come on back to the front porch”
I often talk about my struggles in life and how much I’ve already gone through in my 39 years and how I just want to help others get through their hard times. I also want those who are sad, depressed, suffering from loss or just need a good listener to know I am here.
This song literally says that. “If you never find what you’re looking for… come on back to the front porch.” I imagine my children here. Struggling with life after they’ve moved out and come home for a holiday or long weekend as an escape. “Whatever you’ve done it doesn’t matter, cause darling we’re all a little splintered and battered.” I see and feel Jesus is in this verse. His light is on what you waiting for? Come on back to the front porch.
It’s an amazing song but my point of this post is to reiterate to those who I have hurt or made to feel splintered and battered… I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me, I love you… now come on over to my front porch.
I’m going to be turning 40 in a few months. I’m excited as they say 40 is when you stop caring what others think of you and you begin living your best life because you are no longer living it to impress others but to love others. I feel like I’m close to that but not quite. I still lose sleep over those I’ve made feel lesser, those who think I’m not a good person because of something I did or said to someone else, and because I just want to be loved and liked by everyone yet I want to not care about the ones who truly don’t matter in my life. I just want to Love everybody, always… and in return be loved by everybody, always. Is that so much to ask? I know it is…
And to those who have loved me despite my sword and above all else, who see my heart for its true intentions, who love me when I least deserve it, thank you for forgiving me, I love you.
So, readers… are you struggling? Looking for acceptance? Wanting to be loved, liked, forgiven? Well, you can… and it starts inside our own hearts. Forgive yourself, live like Jesus, be kind and LOVE the heck out everyone, always. Yes, even the tough ones as they need it the most.
To you: I’m sorry, I was wrong, Please forgive me, I Love you.
I’m Sorry, I Was Wrong, Please Forgive Me, I Love You.